Handbook: Staying cool when you’re hot!
Inspired by the fact that it is hotter than hell over most of North America right now. I LOVE when it is hot – I blame Caribbean genetics – but even I cannot handle what is happening just outside my bedroom walls right now. Despite the heat, I rarely complain, and I am so tired of everybody whining so I’ve decided to write a handbook entry… Staying cool when you’re hot!
1. Quit complaining
It’s hot, we get it! We hear about it on the news, the radio, the internet, and thanks to people like you we hear about it every two seconds because everybody is complaining. You know that focusing on it will only make it feel worse right? If the heat is all that you can think about, then of course you are going to notice it more. Jealous of that girl that walked past you earlier who was completely unfazed? Guess what, she’s probably NOT thinking about how hot it is. I’ll break it down for you.
You: It’s so hot… I feel like I am melting. The sun is so bright, I’m sweating, I smell bad, I’m MISERABLE.
Girl: When I get home I’m going to text my boyfriend and then we are gonna hang out all night together!!! Oh, this song is horrible, bad iPod – you suck at shuffling. Oh, here’s a good one!
Don't be a whiner like this kid...
Catch my drift? Think about things other than how hot it is and be amazed at how much cooler you will start to feel.
2. Dress appropriately
I didn’t think I would have to include this, but clearly I do. It’s an unfortunate crisis, but it seems that some people just DO NOT know how to dress. I’m not talking about 80s fashion… although that is a crime too. I cannot tell you how many people I have seen the past few days who are dressed… just plain inappropriately! No word of a lie I saw a girl dressed in a black hoodie and jean pants. Seriously girl… it’s 30+ out here and you are dressed for late fall. No wonder she was buying ice cream, she better enjoy how those pants looked on her now because at her rate they aren’t going to be fitting for long.
These look highly appropriate...
Dressing for hot weather isn’t about stripping down to your undies either. Some people seem to forget that the sun is a heat source and so when it is very hot, having the sun on your skin can make you feel worse and there is always the unpleasant side effect (does anybody else smell burning?). The key here is to wear light fabrics that will allow for air movement but won’t trap in heat. My favourite summer shirt is made out of rayon, super soft and crazy light.
Also keep in mind what colours you are wearing. By virtue, darker colours are awesome at attracting heat (I would get into the science behind it, but I wouldn’t want to overwhelm you now). Go touch your neighbours shiny black car that’s sitting in the driveway. Burnt your hand? Sorry no sympathy, I just told you it would be hot. No touch the other neighbours grimy white car. Oh hello there, not quite so hot is it?
3. Eat cooling foods
I don’t know if there is any science behind this, but I think this works so you’d better listen up. If you need to feel cool, eat cool foods. The opposite of this would be to eat hot foods and drinks when it is cold out. In the middle of winter, nothing beats a cup of hot cocoa right? Well, in the heat nothing beats a nice cold cucumber.
Wait, why cucumbers? Well this is something scientific, cucumbers are actually naturally cold inside. There is that expression “Cool as a cucumber” right? I also think it is good to go after the things that are juicy. Maybe I’m just very lazy, but I think it’s awesome to eat something and get a drink at the same time. I’m not talking about pasty fruits like bananas… I LOATHE bananas! I’m talking about things like… peaches… and salad…. and sweet peppers… and the darn cucumber of course. Watermelon is good too if you don’t mind sweet, try oranges for those who want less sweet.
Look at those juicy suckers!
So get out to the grocers and get those cold foods, it’s probably air conditioned in there anyways.
Which brings me to my final point.
4. Go visit cool places
Bus, mall, movie theatre… what do these all have in common? They are mostly air conditioned! I also have a strange money logic which makes me like this idea very much. Ok, so you know how much an air conditioner costs… using so much energy and burning through all your cash, how ironic. Well imagine how much money you could save if you could leave it off for the day. Wait a second, that would be impossible because you would be too hot all day, right?
Well, turn off the air conditioner and leave the house!
Why? Well because you can go someplace interesting that probably has air conditioning… like if you are a girl you can go to the mall. And then you can feel less guilty about going to the mall all the time because you can just convince everybody that you aren’t spending any extra money as it would just go to pay for the energy bill for the air conditioning if you were to stay at home.
SHOPPING!!!! 
WIN WIN SITUATION!
Now I expect the word to have n to the power of x times less complaining about the heat because I have given you 4 awesome ways to beat the heat. What ways do you beat the heat?
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